It was my birthday, 12/12 - BIG 35! I told joel I want a special birthday this year, a full day to myself to relax, drink wine, bake, have a bath, watch movies. I was going to jam pack that day with ME TIME! 10am - I was baking scones when the phone rang. Ella's school number popped up on the screen. I hate to admit it but inwardly I groaned... I had a full day planned!! "Ella's had a fall and chipped a tooth" I told Joel I'd be back in an hour (Ella's school is 40ks away, about half hours drive) gave Reece a wave and off I went on what would turn out to be one of the worst days ever.
I felt like I was staring down the tunnel of forever, with nothing but blackness, there was no end, only darkness. And then it happened I was driving when it popped up on the dash "Service due" And that was it The beginning of the end
Ella is turning 8, and today I had an epiphany I wanted to share. Most parents have a certain sadness about their children growing up, it just happens so fast! almost like you turn around and another year has past, you look back on photos and realise your baby, is a baby no more -… Continue reading Growing Older, Not Up
I looked at her perfectly round face, and her beautiful nose, with its wide bridge, her eyes, set wider apart. I looked closer at the folds in the corners of her eyes, and I looked at her cute little ear tag, I noticed her tightly held fists. I thought about all the people that commented on her cry, the woman that poked her head into Ella's pram when she was just new baby exclaiming "oh, it sounds like you have a cat in there!" Genuinely surprised to see it was my baby instead. All the jokes about how I spent too much time with my cat while I was pregnant because Ella sounds like him. This medical book, written long before Ella was born, was describing her features perfectly. The book feeling like it weighs a million tonnes on my lap, to mach the weight I felt in my heart.
I've seen that 'the last time' video floating around (If you haven't seen it, watch it here ) and it's made me think about the last time I thought it was going to be ok. For me, it's not like a breakthrough lightning strike moment. It's the little things. The moment I realized that Ella would never… Continue reading “The Last Time”
With Ella's behaviour spiralling out of control and her self harming becoming worse, after talking to her paediatrician, we have decided to try medications to help her. here's what I've learnt so far. People are judgemental turds
I don't have time for a breakdown right now, But I can feel it creeping up. We've had a rough couple of weeks, Ella's behaviour has been horrible. Full meltdowns at seemingly at everything for seemingly no reason. Toilet time? Meltdown Dinner? Meltdown Time to get dressed? Meltdown Breakfast? Meltdown It gets worse - She… Continue reading Keeping it Real
School holidays can definitely be a challenge for us. As I'm sure is the case with most families, boredom is the enemy, and we fight it all holidays! So comment below/message/inbox/email, your school holiday activity ideas! (Bonus points if they need minimal equipment or input from me 😂) let's share all your holiday parenting hacks!!
This morning, we were all up early (thanks Reece) and ready so I figured, fuck it, we'll head off half an hour before we usually do, it's the last day of school. We weren't even past our property line, that it hit me She can walk!
It hit me like a freight train. It was just like any other day, nothing new or exciting, a tiny little things just just set it off. It seems the grief is never ending, it just coming in waves.